I forgot
Yo, it’s been awhile. Life update, I’ve jus been chillin, nothing much. Well that’s a lie, there’s always some shit happening in my life but no new disease or medical shit so that's good.
But anyways, lately I’ve found myself drowning in anxiety over everything, even the smallest and dumbest shit. School, holy shit, fuck school. School jus isn't for me. I’m a creative, I love creating things whether that's through art, photography, this blog, or even digital art. So sitting at a desk or better yet jus doing anything involving school kills me.
My grades are shit, I try but I also just can't retain information the way I used to. High School was a breeze, maybe because I went to a public school and almost never had much homework but I also think it's because I'm finally realizing what I'm good at and actually enjoying doing it.
Unfortunately I cant and wont be dropping out, I need a job. Andddddd I love this school too much to even consider leaving, so art school is out of the picture. My problem is that I just stress over my grades so much, and it doesn't help that if I lose my scholarship I can't stay here. I’m too broke for this school. lol nah im playin, my parents jus don't love me enough to drop 80k a year, which tbh same I wouldn’t either but its still hard.
My anxiety has actually reached a point where I carry my anxiety meds on me at all times, which is such a good idea, idk why I didn’t think about it earlier. I keep getting off track, I think, I dont really know if I’m being honest I didn't take my vyvanse this morning so I’m all over the place.
I’ve realized though lately that life isn’t that deep. It’s just not. Why am I stressing so much over something that I hate? Not life, I love life, I mean school. Well, it’s school so makes sense but now I have the mindset of enjoying college. of course imma work hard but I cant keep pouring so much of my attention into something that fucks my mental health. And I’m not saying that I’ve given up on school, I jus mean I feel like I’m finally finding that health balance.
I hated college up until February, it also didn't help that I missed rush. I’ve also been self concious as fuck recently and am fully convinced that every frat hates me so who knows if I’ll fall rush.
Lately though I’ve found myself not overstressing about school and living my life, milking the shit outta college while I'm here. LMAO it aint easy, for me im popping a couple of those hydroxyz whatever the fuck they’re called pills and thats going well i guess. I don't endorse drugs. But these pills seem to work, lol I'm exaggerating the shit outta this right now. I only use the pills if it gets bad, I’ve been really good about chilling out about school.
Having that mindset has made my grades worse, I'm ngl to you. But I truly don't have an issue with it. Actually they're lowkey better I lied so there is no correlation here sorry.
Honestly I had a point to this blog post but I have no idea where I was going with it. Interpret this how you like, it's just me talking. ok thanks for reading bye.
Oh also, I don’t know what to put for the picture of this post so I’m just putting one that fits the aesthetic. It’s from spring break so I guess thats part of a life update idk.