September
What a chaotic month, holy shit. I genuinely cannot process how fast everything is moving, but it’s so weird because at the same time I feel like the days never end.
September was the first of a lot of things for me. It was my first month in college, my first time living on my own, and my first time having to COMPLETELY start over. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster but at the same time I couldn’t ask for anything better.
My biggest fear coming to college was the thought of having to make all new friends. Like yeah I know it's just as simple as talking to people but at the same time I almost just didn't want to. I didn't want to “leave” all my current friends behind. And I know I'm not leaving anyone behind but to me making new friends in college marked a change in my life that I wasn't ready for, a change that I feared would draw me further and further apart from my highschool friends.
I'm a pretty social person so it didn't take long for me to form a pretty close group of friends, and to be honest it was lowkey concerningly fast. Like as in 4 days into college and my first friend group was already formed. I'm also someone who’s never had just one group of friends, for me I love being a part of a mix of different groups. Kinda just for my own sanity so I never get annoyed with anyone but I also just naturally tend to become close with a lot of different people.
Oh yeah also my birthday was September 9th and weirdly enough it wasn't as depressing as usual. Out of all the things I hate, birthday attention might top that list. I don't know why I hate it, I think it's because I really only like attention when it's earned. I joke about being an attention whore but really I only want attention if its from something I’ve accomplished or worked for. I don't understand why someone would acknowledge me being born, or just the fact that I exist? I mean if youre gonna give me a present….. that's a different story. But don't just text me, ESPECIALLY if we don’t talk on a regular basis. Who the fuck even said I wanted to come out of my moms cooter. I don't wanna be here just as much as you don't. I take it back, I definitely don't wanna be here wayyyy more than you.
I'm trying to think of what else has happened this month. It feels like so much has but really I can't pinpoint more than a couple events. Oh wait I remember now, okay so piece of advice, College is rough, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's not necessarily just the workload, or the social aspect, but the emotional toll it takes on a person. Such a big change isn't easy. I dont give a fuck how much you like change or adapt well to it, that dosent matter when you get here. I love change and find it fairly easy to adjust to it, but I'm still an emotional wreck because of this shit.
I love being creative and here I just find it so hard to find time that allows me to do so. This week I’ve put a way bigger emphasis on stepping back from school and hoping it all works out, and it’s actually fucking working. I'm so much happier, well some days. I’d say my average mood is higher than usual so I count that as something. This week probaly wasnt the best week to pick to step back, just because I do have a couple mid terms but ya know I really just dont give a fuck anymore. I'm so tired of slaving for an education that kills my mental health… that's a conversation for another time though.
By far the highlight of my month was when Natalie came to visit. Nat is my best friend, like yall, if Im with Natalie yall better mind yo fucking business because we in our own little world. I can't even begin to explain our friendship. Honestly leaving Nat for college was one of the hardest things I've experienced. Like I'd see this bitch at least every other day and now what, I get to see her every other month, it’s bullshit. I switched schools a lot growing up, going from public to private then back to public and Natalie did the same. She's the only one that's gone to school with me my whole life. Anway, we did the usual: stayed hydrated, fucked some shit up, and had the time of our lives.
The past couple months I kinda stepped away from social media and wasn't as focused on building my platform. I genuinely thought it would be a good idea that would benefit my mental health and it did; however, it also wasn't great for me either. A lot of people view social media as having a negative impact on how they view themselves and their happiness, but ironically that just isn't the case for me. Social media for me allows me to express myself and be creative in whatever I do. Yes I'm building a platform but I'm also just doing me and having the ability to do that brings me so much joy.
For example, blogging allows me to be vulnerable. I can express how I'm feeling and what I'm doing, and to hear such positive responses and other people being able to relate is one of the biggest payoffs. Meanwhile, Instagram allows me to take cool photos and edit them to my liking and tiktok allows me to talk out of my ass, whether that's making jokes, get-ready-with-me videos, or even just updating my followers on life. I understand where the negative connotation around social media comes from but I just don't relate to that. That might come from the confidence I have in myself that allows me to not care what others think and therefore I don't compare myself to others. But really I don't know what it is. I think I just use social media for a purpose not many people do, that being to express myself, not show off my life.
September has been something. It’s been fun, but also rough as fuck. I swear to god though if all of college is like this, I’m done, I will simply pass away.
Anyways, I'm really tired so I’m finishing this up now. I hope you all enjoyed this blog post, I’ll see y'all really whenever I feel like writing a new one lol. That could be a couple days or next week, I don't really know. Yall have a good one and make sure to tell people about my blog. I need new ways of advertising this since I’m always banned on tiktok. Okay I'm sleeping now, I love you all, and I’ll see y'all soon!
Thank y’all again for taking the time to read this. Make sure to tell your friends about the blog and send it to your grandparents. I love you all and go follow my instagram for more content and updates on new blogs.