people pleaser

What’s up guys. Wow it's been a while but I'm back.

Today I realized how much of a people pleaser I am. I’ve always kinda known this but today it really hit me.

I say I’m confident and I am in some ways but to be honest I’m always stressed about what people perceive me as. I think faking it till you make it works to an extent but it’s also extremely important to recognize that I do care. Thing is, I don’t know how to fix that. I've been trying for years now and my confidence comes and goes in waves, but I’ve never been able to not care at all.

Looks wise, I’m pretty confident; however, literally anything else, I’m constantly worried about.

I think tiktok and social media as a whole has helped me in some ways but it’s definitely made things worse too, which sucks but I doubt I’ll stop anytime soon lol.

I just love being able to express myself on the internet, it's just so comforting to me. Plus I want to go into the entertainment industry in some form so making a name for myself right now is only benefiting me, that's why I don’t plan on stopping.

But so anyways why do I care so much? I wish I could tell you.

I seriously don’t know, it's weird. Like going back to college scares the living outta me. It’s just the thought of seeing so many people that terrifies me. Like what if they all hate me? What if they think I’m weird? What if?

I absolutely hate when people don’t like me, which is ironic because I’m a weird guy so there’s bound to be a lot of haters out there.

It’s not like they can do anything anyways and what's funny is I know that. I mean it is my world and they’re just living in it but at the same time it’s my world, therefore I deserve love and attention, not being judged.

I really do think though, actually I know, that me being as self conscious as I am is holding me back. I know my potential as a person but it's just so hard to not care.

I wish I had advice for y’all but I have nothing to offer today. I’m still trying to figure this all out myself and who knows how long that’ll take, I might never figure it out but I'm trying and that's all I can do for now.