Growing up has been weird bro. Like the concept of moving through life and never getting to go back and experience it again honestly sucks. I’m in college and looking back I miss my childhood so much. It’s crazy because I feel like it all just slipped through my hands. Like that, and it was gone.

I didn’t appreciate it near enough and that’s what sucks. Throughout your whole life, or at least mine, people tell you “enjoy it while you can” or “it’s gonna go by so fast” but you never really internalize that. Like dude I’m in college, I’ve been alive 20 years, thats two whole decades.

Whats even more unfortunate is that most my life I was so insecure I let others opinions drive my life. For years it was like I didn’t even have control over myself. I’m fortunate enough now to be in a great place where I’m more confident than ever. And I truly could care less about others opinions (or mainly those who are irrelevant in my life) but it took way too long to get here.

Although I LOVED my childhood, looking back I feel like I could’ve done it better. I could’ve lived life and been a better version of myself.

But, I do have to remember that if it weren’t for me being so insecure I wouldn’t be where I am today and that’s really all that matters because I’m happy where I am.

What’s even weirder to think about though is what I’d be like today if certain things hadn’t occured during my childhood. Like what if I rushed and became a frat dude. That would be so funny. imagine frat max. I’m dead. I’d love to see that. Or what if my mom signed me up for acting lessons as a kid and I became a theater kid. that would be halarious too.

It’s crazy how every little thing has shaped me into where I are today.

But I miss those things that shaped me. Lowkey even the bad. Like what if i had some kickass comebacks as a child when people would saything rude. Ugh I couldve been so cool if only I could relive my life, or just appreciate it more.

Even my parents though, like I never really got to appreciate everything they did for me until now and even now I still dont always. They did so much for me and my spoiled little brat ass just fought with them goriwng up.

Now life is hard. Being a grownup sucks dude, and im not even on my own. So many responcibilities- and thats only gonna get worst from here- but I wish I could just enjoy life like a kid and play. Bro imagine being able to just build legos every day and have every meal cooked for you every night, thats was the life. Or playing poptropica during computer lab hours in elementary school, that was pretty fun too.

I also miss the time in life where I didn’t have a phone on me at all times. Back then I was able to make fun out of nothing. I’d do some random things enteratin myself, like go explore the nearby bayou and fish or bike around the neighborhood.

Life is so different now. Don’t get me wrong I love it but its sad watching it go by so fast. Every moment I’m alive I will never get to experience again. That’s so weird to wrap my head around for some reason. Y’all might think I’m weird for that. I mean I dont even know if other people think about that. It’s an odd concept I guess but sad.

Ok, I dont mean to be a debby downer when I say all this, it’s just soemthing I think about a lot. The older I get the faster it goes. Like sophmore year, I’m almost done with college.

Honestly I jus miss when I had to do nothing in life but be spoiled by my parents.

Anways, do yall think about this ever. I doubt it, I have a lot of weird thoughts but it’s something to ponder, makes you appreciate the present more.

Maybe I’ll get off my phone, I mean at this rate Imma be one my phone at least a 1/4 of the time I’m alive. So, thats embarassing to think about.

Have a nice day. Thanks for reading and make sure to